I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
