he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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