Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
