Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
