i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
