Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
