She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
