yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
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