i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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