oh god the rape fog is back!
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
