More tranny stories later!
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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