Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
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