he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
