you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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