Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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