His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
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