rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
