Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
