I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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