I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Randomize
