SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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