when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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