Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
