before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
