The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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