Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
