if i can run in heels then i can drive
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Randomize
