Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize