It was confusing and full of hummus
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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