i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
