remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
what day is it and did you see me today?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
