dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
