I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Randomize
