Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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