he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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