how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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