I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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