Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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