I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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