I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
