R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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