She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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