It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
