sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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