only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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