there were more penises there than on chat roulette
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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