lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Randomize