I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
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