how can u be prego again
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
