went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
