I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
