Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
