I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
