...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize