Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
