she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
he high fived his dick after we had sex
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
