absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
