D3 body, D1 cock
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
