We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize
