I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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