why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
