He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
