from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize