I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
