ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
