Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
