Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
