You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
