my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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