Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
