dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Randomize
