her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
