Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Randomize
